your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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