I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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