So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
