Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
