I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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