you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
