I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
