Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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