It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do vagina's smell?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
