just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
