youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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