you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
