dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize