dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
