I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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