You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
