Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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