Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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