Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
