i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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