i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
