My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
