She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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