then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
