remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
