1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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