Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
