I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize