i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
