i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
