My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have already put on my inside pants.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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