Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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