Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
