you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
