He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
