I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
