It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
