there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize