He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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