Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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