The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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