I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
