So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
