How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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