I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is Oprah even human
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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