so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
