Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i think im in europe. pls send help
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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