I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize