dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
