where am i from again
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
