Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
