your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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