people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
