you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize