we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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