Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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