Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
