What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
