Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize