He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
