you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
