this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think a kid would responsible me up
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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