Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
