i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
