Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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