Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
