it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize