the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
