The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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