is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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