jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My pussy is not your playground.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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