so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
