I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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