Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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