Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
