She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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