too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
