I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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