dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
