she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
