My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I bet he comes in French.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize