The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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