the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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