Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
