There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
