i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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