I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
