You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
