dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
