We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My feet surprised me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
