piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
