You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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