am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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