i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
