Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
