do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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