I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
