apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
