At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
