worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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