I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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