Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
