Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
