yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I FOUND THE LEGS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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