he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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